Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
They have beer where we have blood.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
