I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
