the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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