i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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