dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
