Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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