My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize