I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Randomize
