Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
