you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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