i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
