You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
