i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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