I love black thongs
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
