the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Everything about him screamed your future.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
did i just pee glitter
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
