Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
