yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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