I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize