Soap is not a condiment
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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