I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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