dude i'm inner monologue high
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
