i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
