Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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