I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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