I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
she told me i tasted like america
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
