Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
My dick has a subreddit
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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