i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I think my vagina is haunted
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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