its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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