I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I enjoy the company of your penis
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
