Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
he fucked my hip out of place.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
