maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
