wakey wakey hands off snakey
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
