I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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