I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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