I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
