stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
