i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
