just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I just found a bag of teeth...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
