I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i will never coherently bang her
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
