:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
