So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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