...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I don't deserve a penis
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Randomize
