She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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