Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
