apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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