So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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