I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I need water and some morals
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
