I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
