Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
