whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Randomize
