Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
ttyl tear gas
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
