I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
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