I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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