Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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