How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
