My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
