i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
So squirting runs in the family.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
