nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Randomize