R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
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