Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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