you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
