i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
