Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Houston, we have a squirter
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
