Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
