Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i think my mom watched the whole time
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize