just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
