good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
