I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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