anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
