i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
