Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
