I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
